Now

Several blogs I follow have talked about embracing a word for the year rather than making resolutions. While I still have a few things I'd like to do such as watch more movies with Lance or finally move beyond episode 2 of Breaking Bad, I like the idea of embracing one word for the year. Hopefully, it will help me to become a better mother, wife, and all around person.

NOW: this is my word for the year. I have a one month old and already, I am freaking out, thinking of her getting bigger. When I think of getting rid of this damn pump in a year, (assuming I last that long!) I'm so freaking excited until I realize that means my baby, my sweet little angel, will be a year too. And let's be real, there are very slim chances of another baby.

And I am fine with that, but at the same time, I have to admit I love this state of life. I don't love getting up at night, but it's a small sacrifice to pay to hold a baby. I love the sweet baby cry that infants make. And I love when they get a bit older. I love the fact that my babies want me all the time, I love when they first give a real kiss, I love trying to decipher what they say, truly, I love it all. I don't mind not going out so much and I'm lucky that when I do need that weekend getaway, my mom takes the kids without complaint.

And so I look to the future with dread knowing that this is probably it as far as first times. I'm packing away No David's clothes and giving them to a friend. Trying not to buy too much for Baby Z so as not to be wasteful. Instead of just living in the Now and appreciating this amazing family I have, I worry about the future and not having what I have at this exact moment. I have always been this way, but I promise not to waste any more time on the future. I will live for today and appreciate all that I have today.