Three weeks in, and I'm finally tired. And cranky. The crankiness is made worse by people, meaning family members, asking what's wrong. My first impulse is to scream, "what the eff do you think is wrong?" Do I need to remind you know that I just had a kid, and that school started and I'm getting up for the day at 6, showering, pumping, feeding a baby who screams pretty much all the time, plus getting kids ready to school, plus coming home and teaching the Baby Hulk. Without any help at all. Side note: I hate when people assume that my 15 year old is a great help. Yes, he is a great kid, amazing kid, but helper he is not. At all.
So yes, I'm a bit cranky and sorry that the great mood I've been in since birth seems to be ending. I honestly can't wait to return to the gym. That hour of alone time working out will do wonders. I hate to sound ungrateful because I am thrilled with our new baby, but I so wish she would sleep in her crib. I have never wanted to co-sleep, and yet five kids down the line, here I am just so that I get some sleep. I don't know how people do it. Both Lance and I were commenting that while we are sleeping a bit, we have yet to really fall asleep because we worry about rolling onto her.
And I know this phase will soon come to an end, and I'll be lamenting the end of it, feeling sad that I won't have an infant in my arms, but for today, I'm tired, have no interest in pumping, listening to boys fight, No David fuss nonstop. I do feel slightly bad, I normally relish in motherhood, but for today I'm tired. And I think that is understandable. If not, there is always Xanax.
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What I appreciate is your being so honest and sharing this experience. I am an new Momma of ONE, not FIVE, and have had these moments and then felt totally guilty that I'm not embracing motherhood as I should. Thanks for reminding us that we are all only human. (And prayers your way for all that stress!)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure the last thing you want is more advice but we found putting the baby in a moses basket between us helped us fall asleep without having to worry about rolling over on them.
ReplyDeleteI roll like a gator all night so that was always a worry.
my body hasn't adjusted to getting up at 6 again for the drive to school.
Thanks for the idea on the moses basket. I know that lack of sleep is a given right now, but I'd like just a bit.
ReplyDeleteI was up and ready to go this morning, (still super tired, but my fault b/c I was watching The Fighter) then I broke a bottle as I was getting ready to leave...sometimes I wonder why I try to be on time.
Thanks for your comment. I am honest if nothing else. And maybe some people never get upset or fight or lose their temper, but my reality is very different from that. While I wish I didn't complain or yell so much, I do and for me it helps a bit to vent about it. And like you, I feel guilty when I do b/c I wanted these kids, so I should always love it, right! Wish it worked that way. I think the prayers worked though!