Today I went to my niece's First Communion. What an amazing day for her, but probably more amazing to me as an adult. I remember my First Communion, but I don't think I realized the importance of that day. On Good Friday, I tried to explain to my 4 year old this gift, but I think I just confused him. Maybe not, now during daily Mass, he points and says, "look, the Body and Blood." My niece looked so proud and happy today. I pray that as she grows older, she will truly realize the beauty of today. My oldest son is starting to realize this. He is a bit like me when it comes to religion: follow the rules. So during the Mass, his main concern was that none of the kids were partaking of the consecrated wine. I noticed too, but was not going to say anything. I had to make him promise not to make a comment about it to the rest of the family. He was so upset that these kids did not fully participate. I tried to explain that they did fully participate, but I don't think he really believed me. (The joys of a having a teenager, they know EVERYTHING.) Although like him, I think they should have had the consecrated host AND wine.
It seemed like all the kids on our side of the church were girls. Beautiful girls wearing their white dresses and veils. And it made me so sad for our girls. I'm not emotional at all, but today it hit me: Our lost girls. I know I'm supposed to be happy to have kids in heaven, but really, I'm not. I'm selfish and want my girls here on earth. I want all the things these moms have with their girls. I love the family we are raising, but I miss the other kids we should have had as well, and today, I especially missed the girls.
As I was feeling sorry for myself, I was reminded of the girl next door. The beautiful 15 year old girl next door who asked me to attend a mother/daughter luncheon with her. Her mother passed away when she was very young. She has an amazing father and extended family. She has other women to look to, but she picked me! What an honor. This girl is amazing. She loves my boys and will come spend time with each of them. On her birthday this year, she took Kobra from me and showed him off to all of her friends. Frankly, nobody wants to hold him because he spits up nonstop. She knows this and it didn't matter to her. And when he did spit up on her, she just got a new bib and kept holding him. She will take walks with the boys and chase after them for me, talk with me while I bake and call me to talk about her boyfriends.
I can never take the place of her mother, but I am blessed to have this almost woman in my life. And so very honored to have her include me on a day that must be very difficult for her. Maybe my little saints in heaven are smiling down on me.