You're Not Welcome Here

Tuesday is a daily mass day for me and the under five crew. You never know how it's going to turn out. While we haven't had an incident where anyone has needed to pray for me lately, I do have to stop the chit chat of No David. Then there is the Baby Hulk who may or may not like the priest celebrating the mass.

Today was nearly perfect as far as mass goes with three young children. The baby didn't make a peep, the Baby Hulk sat quietly beside me on the last row and No David wandered between the pew and the door without making a sound. Until I burped Baby Z...two people turned as I patted her on the back.

I was feeling good about myself, the day and full of love and then this lady informed me in Spanish that I should use the cry room during mass for the kids. Although I understood every word she said, I couldn't answer her in Spanish. No problem, she told me the same shit in English.

Really???

Oh, the benefits of a cry room: you can hear the mass and your kids can run around the entire time. Just what a mom that goes to daily mass wants, children who don't understand the importance of mass and don't take it seriously. Have I used the cry room before? Yes, and had my children needed to be in there, I would have gone. As laid back as I like to think I am, I am hyper-sensitive about some things. I hate when my kids don't share, talk too loud and so on. I have to be reminded to let them be kids. Often. Ask my parents, I so don't think my kids are perfect despite what they think!

I wasn't rude to the lady, but let her know that I wouldn't be using the cry room. Her response: "God bless you". And if you can make that statement in a crappy way without any heart, she did it.

I immediately found the grandmothers that love me and asked if my kids had made any noise. When they also told me how great they were today, I tattled on the witch. They were appropriately horrified for me.

Then I went to the priest who told me how happy he was to see the children at mass and thanked me for bringing them BEFORE I even told him about the lady.

You know this isn't the first time I've been made to feel like crap for bringing my kids to church. It happens all the time. I'd like to say it's mostly old people who have forgotten what kids are like, but it's not. It's people my age, my parents age and so on. For a church that opposes ABC and is so pro-life, sadly, a lot of them can be pretty crappy when it comes to kids.

An Honor

Today I went to my niece's First Communion. What an amazing day for her, but probably more amazing to me as an adult. I remember my First Communion, but I don't think I realized the importance of that day. On Good Friday, I tried to explain to my 4 year old this gift, but I think I just confused him. Maybe not, now during daily Mass, he points and says, "look, the Body and Blood." My niece looked so proud and happy today. I pray that as she grows older, she will truly realize the beauty of today. My oldest son is starting to realize this. He is a bit like me when it comes to religion: follow the rules. So during the Mass, his main concern was that none of the kids were partaking of the consecrated wine. I noticed too, but was not going to say anything. I had to make him promise not to make a comment about it to the rest of the family. He was so upset that these kids did not fully participate. I tried to explain that they did fully participate, but I don't think he really believed me. (The joys of a having a teenager, they know EVERYTHING.) Although like him, I think they should have had the consecrated host AND wine.


It seemed like all the kids on our side of the church were girls. Beautiful girls wearing their white dresses and veils. And it made me so sad for our girls. I'm not emotional at all, but today it hit me: Our lost girls. I know I'm supposed to be happy to have kids in heaven, but really, I'm not. I'm selfish and want my girls here on earth. I want all the things these moms have with their girls. I love the family we are raising, but I miss the other kids we should have had as well, and today, I especially missed the girls.


As I was feeling sorry for myself, I was reminded of the girl next door. The beautiful 15 year old girl next door who asked me to attend a mother/daughter luncheon with her. Her mother passed away when she was very young. She has an amazing father and extended family. She has other women to look to, but she picked me! What an honor. This girl is amazing. She loves my boys and will come spend time with each of them. On her birthday this year, she took Kobra from me and showed him off to all of her friends. Frankly, nobody wants to hold him because he spits up nonstop. She knows this and it didn't matter to her. And when he did spit up on her, she just got a new bib and kept holding him. She will take walks with the boys and chase after them for me, talk with me while I bake and call me to talk about her boyfriends.

I can never take the place of her mother, but I am blessed to have this almost woman in my life. And so very honored to have her include me on a day that must be very difficult for her. Maybe my little saints in heaven are smiling down on me.