Thursday, April 29, 2010

Note to Self

When your laundry comes out with purple markings all over the clothes, check out the dryer before continuing with four more loads. We now have purple on ALL our clothes, not just the first load. The culprit seems to be a purple crayon lodged into the crevice of the dryer. Any ideas on how to get this cleaned before ruining the rest of our clothes?

Birthday Girl

Today is Chelsea's birthday! The boys are super excited about it. The Baby Hulk wants to make her a cake. He is thinking Spiderman or The Hulk will be cool. Goose is very concerned about getting to her party. Squirt just wants to make sure she answers the phone when we call this afternoon. Sadly, we won't get to celebrate in person until Chelsea comes home from college.

We've watched Chelsea grow into such a beautiful young woman. I remember meeting Chelsea at age 11. Such a pretty young girl with a sense of humor. Even then I could sit and gossip, I mean talk, with her. Sometimes, she seems much older, but then there are others when she is definitely a college coed! Which is good. I love hearing the stories and remembering the fun of my college days!

I hope your day is wonderful, Chelsea. We are so excited about this summer. I am thinking lots of lunches at Niko Niko's.

Remember dancing in the car to Justin Timberlake??? St. Catherine of Siena pray for Chelsea, today and every day! We love you sweetie!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Daybook~ Spring

For Today...April 27, 2010

Outside my window...Another beautiful day. Last Friday was a reminder of the weather to come so I plan to enjoy being outdoors as much as possible.

I am listening to...silence. Everyone is sleeping except me and Lance.

I am hoping...that nobody catches the stomach virus that Baby Hulk has. Once I am finished here, I am off to clean the vomit stains off the carpet. Am I bad that I am bummed about missing my workout tomorrow?

From the kitchen...we sort of have a menu planned, I just hope I follow it because I plan to eat out a lot this weekend!

I am planning...lots of great activities for me and my hubby. I had a massage this weekend and for the first hour my mind just kept going. I was thinking about the kids, the house, the next week, and praying and so on. Finally, I decided to be constructive and planned dates through the month of October. I have put the list to paper and planned our first outings for this week: a pedicure. Btw, I finally stopped "thinking" so much, but the massage was basically over.

Kobra this week...I think the pictures say it all. He is so ready to keep up with his brothers he'll try anything no matter how many times he skins his knees. He can now climb up the ladder by himself. This really sucks for me because this means I have to be outside with him all the time. Which means, yes, sometimes he went outside for a few minutes while I was inside.


Is there anything worse than a sick boy? My little man is so pathetic right now. He doesn't understand what is going on with his body. Dear God, please let him get well soon. I miss the rowdy boy in the picture below! (He is holding the cutest and easiest dragon craft in honor of St. George last week.)

Towards Rhythm and Beauty...Honestly, I can't wait for this school year to end. I'm hoping that once I can really reflect and take some of the anger out, I'll start to live with happiness again. It's been a long time of being really unhappy and going through the motions. I think the kids are ready for a new season as well. I can plan all I want, but I want to live again.

Around the house...I found bunk beds for the boys. Yay! Is it really silly that my best friend just bought the same beds? Is this like naming your kid the same name? Let's hope my friend doesn't feel that way!

One of my favorite things...the show Castle. I randomly watched it one night, and it's on my Tivo now. Plus, there are reruns on Saturday nights. Makes me happy.

To live the liturgy...the boys are still celebrating Easter. I admit it's getting a bit long, but I love not having to read the same book over and over because we have 50 days! It's been fun figuring out which books the boys really like. I wonder if it will change next year.

A few plans for the rest of the week

  • Park, check
  • lunch with Goose, check
  • swim lessons...will be cancelled, I think
  • hair cuts
  • getting ready for Paul
  • pedicure with my Baby

A picture thought I am sharing...


Okay, It's Not THAT Bad...

The 2010 public school rankings for Houston came out over the weekend. TH ROGERS is ranked number 1 for both Elementary and Middle schools! (This includes the suburbs which typically have better schools.) They are ranked 3rd and 2nd in the state respectively. I know these ranking aren't the end all, but I am so proud of this school! (Although since this is a G/T school, one would hope the kids are doing commended work on standardized tests.) I have already admitted to Lance that sending Goose to school here might not have been a bad idea. Of course, I reminded him I was still the better teacher, but if you can't have mom, then I guess this school is second best.

I am happy to know about the rankings, but also really saddened by the fact that so many other children don't receive the quality of education provided at Rogers. All kids deserve a good education and shouldn't be penalized because of their socio-economic status. We all know that parental involvement is important, but it doesn't always happen. I teach my kids to read, but most of my friends haven't done so. Does that mean they aren't involved enough? No. Lucky for most of them, their kids are at great schools. These kids are our future, they all deserve the same opportunities so that they can succeed in life.

BTW, who the hell beat Rogers statewide?

Sunday, April 25, 2010

House and Kids All in One Piece

I made it home from my weekend away from the family. It's the first time I have ever left home without someone tagging along. A friend from law school was in Austin for a conference so I drove up to see her. She laughed all weekend because of how many calls I made and received. By noon today, I had been on the phone three times despite having a two hour massage in that time frame.

What is funny is that I wasn't always like that. I remember thinking that I would always need to travel alone or have girls' weekends, but then I met Lance. And then I had kids. And despite how much they can drive me up the wall, I hate being away from them. Lance and I travel together twice a year, and I am finally getting somewhat comfortable being away from the kids, but it has taken several years. I don't see myself getting used to being away from all of them. Plus, everyone knows that I don't fly anywhere without Lance. That means any girls weekend has to be within driving distance for me.

The kids had a blast with daddy...milkshakes, bouncy castles, late bedtimes and probably more television than mommy allows. The baby didn't even come running when I came home today.

Thank you my dear husband for a couple of free days. I know this was the worst weekend I could have left. The draft and all...but you handled it. I love you!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Room

I have been talking with a friend about having more kids, telling her about my most recent miscarriage and how that made me want another child even more. And she was totally against it. She thinks four is enough. I'm fine with people thinking four is a lot of kids. I know people with a lot more, (not all Catholic!) so four doesn't seem large to me. What was interesting to me was the "why" I shouldn't have more kids. It wasn't the usual "how are you going to support them" argument. It was how can you love that many kids?

It's an answer you can't explain, you just know you can. Maybe when you have your first kid, you don't think you can ever love another child more. But as you have more children, you realize just how much your heart grows. I only have four kids, but I have two others that I love and think about and worry about as if I had given birth to them. I think my kids would agree that they all feel loved. I don't think your heart stays the same size your entire life. If it did, how can you explain the love grandparents have for their grandkids. I NEVER thought someone could take my place and boy was I wrong!

So, yes, I think there is room in our hearts for another, if that is what God wants for us.

HOWEVER, Lance has had the kids alone for less than 24 hours, and he has already told me he may get a vasectomy before I get home.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Wasting Time...

Have I mentioned that I joined Facebook? My excuse is Chelsea. :) It's the best way to spy on her, I mean, keep up with her while she's away at college. Not really, she has me on limited access. Because you know, I was an angel while at college. I can't imagine what she is doing up all night, what the pictures are about...okay, now I'm really about to have limited access!

Lance is hosting a draft show tonight. The kids were all in bed by 7:30 pm. AND I AM SO BORED. What did I do? Surfed around on Facebook for over an hour. And no, I wasn't checking out ex-boyfriends, I did that the second I joined Facebook. I was checking out people I knew from an old church group, then checking out their groups, their friends that I DON'T EVEN KNOW. What is wrong with me??? This is why Facebook can be so dangerous for nosy people. I have literally wasted an hour of my life. I could have been packing for tomorrow, cleaning, sleeping, anything, but checking out people I don't know, and quite frankly from their groups, don't want to know!

Have I mentioned just how nosy I am? That just might be the most annoying thing about me. My curiosity has ALWAYS gotten the best of me.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

No Room

I have finally fallen for Starbucks. So much so that I may be giving up Starbucks for Lent next year. I've graduated from medium to large coffee, and sometimes a cranberry orange scone. Twice a day. I used to bribe the kids with the Horizons milk they sell until I realized how much sugar it contained. No wonder they never behaved after their treat.

There are two problems with my addiction, and I am realizing that both problems stem from my cheapness. First...when I say "no room", it means I want them to fill my damn coffee cup to the top. By my accounts, I have been ripped off an entire cup of coffee in the five visits I've made this week. Second, I have been paying cash so I don't feel so guilty about spending money from the bank account. My tab is usually 2.22, but I haven't had any pennies lately, so I have to give them a quarter. The cashier people haven't given me any change this week. Okay, it's three pennies, I know, but since they don't give me my pennies, I keep having to use quarters and me not having quarters means I don't have money to buy my Dr. Pepper at the swim club. (I buy them twice a week, my little treat, at the swim club because they are only 60 cents! You can't find a better deal from a coke machine!) Maybe my cheapness will win out, and I'll finally complain about my cup not being filled properly. I don't think I can embarrass myself enough to ask for the three pennies though. Guess I'll be using the money card from now on.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Power of Suggestion

My husband, the natural born leader...last week at mass, Father used an exceptionally long Eucharistic prayer during the Consecration. So long that Lance stood up thinking it was over. There was still about four more minutes of kneeling left. Over half the church followed him and stood up. (He kept asking why I wasn't standing, and I kept mouthing "because we're supposed to be kneeling".) The thing is we sit on the third to last row, center aisle, at the edge for an easy escape route in case Kobra acts fussy. It is amazing how he had half the church standing from that seat. I noticed that this week, Father recited the shortest Eucharistic prayer he could find.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Bluebonnets

All the news has been talking about how great the bluebonnets would be this year due to the winter we had. They were okay, I wouldn't say great, but good enough to take some pictures of the boys. Kobra was in no mood for pictures except when I was trying to take pictures of other people. Baby Hulk was pretty good, he is just getting into that phase where he fake smiles, so I wasn't thrilled with his pictures. Don't I sound like a bitch? Isn't it half the battle when you can admit your failings? So, I can admit that I was more than frustrated with Kobra while taking pictures on Friday. I can assure you that he didn't give a shit what I thought. BTW, the lady who took the last picture of me and Marivi asked us if we had seen the snake! What is it with me and snakes lately. I am so done with nature for awhile.



This was the look on Kobra's face most of the day.



My sweet Goddaughter

You pick now to smile? Really?


I wonder if Marivi is stressing about me smiling just perfect?

Our Lady of Lourdes

In honor of St. Bernadette's feast day, Friday afternoon a friend and I took our children to the Grotto at Our Lady of Lourdes parish off of 290. Oh My Gosh! This place was awesome! I'd seen a few pictures, and honestly, was a bit worried the place would be cheesy. I couldn't have been more thrilled with it, and the children loved it. The boys were a bit spastic that afternoon, but considering Goose had been in school all day and the others were in a car for most of the day, I guess their behavior was normal. The Grotto itself was stunning and had a small chapel inside. Of course, all the kids had to light a candle. It was almost like bedtime, the amount of people the kids were praying for just so they could light another candle. There is also an outdoor Stations of the Cross. Wish I'd known about this before now. Regardless, at each station the boys (or girls) correctly identified the Station and said a prayer. It was pretty sweet. And worth driving home in rush hour traffic. They are building what seems to be a beautiful new church there. I am already making plans to return soon! (And I know Kobra looks awful in his outfit. I guess it's time to change out "extra" clothes in the diaper bag.)


Look!!!


Celebrating their first mass together?


Our Group

Friday, April 16, 2010

So Tired

It's 7:45 pm and I'm supposed to be at dinner around 8ish. I have literally been on the go since last night, doing things I wanted to do, just not timed well. After dropping the big boys off at school, I managed to get coffee, grocery shop, stop by and give Lance a kiss before heading off to meet Marivi and the twins for bluebonnet pictures. We met around 9 this morning, drove down 290, took pictures, ate lunch, came home, I picked up BAM from school, then went back out to 290 to the Grotto at Our Lady of Lourdes parish. I got home at 6 pm. Besides Kobra not cooperating for bluebonnet pictures and the boys spazzing at the Grotto, the day was great. I am just dead and still have another place to go. Pictures to come after I go through them. You know me, I'll probably stay up posting tonight despite being tired.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

My Favorite Band Is...

I hate "get to know you" emails. They always come from people who know me. REALLY WELL. And they always have that one question...who do you think will answer this questionnaire. For whatever reason, my name is always an answer to that question despite the fact that I never answer those type of emails.

In general, I hate forwards too. I don't like the sweet stories, I don't like the info forwards, or the prayer chains that people think I want just because I go to daily Mass. People, I don't read them, and I break the prayer chains, so stop sending them to me. I think ALL political forwards are stupid and would never send them to someone else. For some reason people send those to me ALL the time too. And I have to read them just to see the stupid shit people come up with. I finally told a friend that it was insulting to my intelligence to even receive such crap. So, the first thing you know about me is that I'm a bitch who hates getting forwards.

Names you go by: Nicole, Nikki, Nik, Baby, Lance's wife and mom. Interesting tidbit, although my name is Nicole, most of my life, I've answered to Nikki. At various times, (college, law school, work) I would try and change to Nicole, but then someone would hear someone else call me Nikki and it was over. Then I met Lance, who has a sister with the same name, different spelling. There was no way he could get romantic calling me Nikki, so since we've been together I've been Nicole. And now that I have tons of people calling me Nicole, I love when I meet someone new and they immediately call me Nikki.
Favorite color: red and burnt orange!
Last movie I saw at the theater: Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Favorite TV show: Mad Men, Big Love
Do you eat breakfast: yes, a 1/2 cup of Fiber One cereal. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. even on vacation.
Deserted Island food: fajitas
Favorite dessert: Italian Cream Cake
Foods I hate: green peppers and tomatoes, as in I can't eat a meal if they have touched my food. Lance just told me that is when he realized I was high maintenance.
What kind of car do you drive: Yukon XL
First car: 280 ZX, I loved this car!
Things that annoy you: oh so many. The biggest one would be when people ask if we are trying for a girl, always implying that there is something wrong with boys.
Favorite article of clothing: my jeans, the only expensive items I own
Eye color: brown
If you could go anywhere in the world: Turkey, I was planning to go there for 8 weeks until I met Lance.
Best childhood memory: the California vacation
Favorite time of day: when I pick Goose up from school.
what time do you go to bed: between 12 and 1
Where were you born: Galveston, Texas
Favorite sport: Longhorn football
Dogs or Cats: Dog. Someone once explained that when you have an indoor cat, you have a litter box, which means you have crap in your house until you empty your litter box. Not that I was ever going to get a cat, but after that there wasn't a chance in hell I could have a cat without thinking of crap sitting in my house.
Do you have any pets: one dog, Lola.
Any siblings: one brother who I adore
Pedicure or Manicure: pedicure, actually, I would just prefer a massage
The last time you cried: last month, before that it was August when Goose went to school, before that it was when Dumbledore died in the 6th Harry Potter book.
Oldest friend: Paul
What do you do to relax: super hot bath
Glasses or contacts: neither, I had surgery!
Favorite fast food: Whataburger, and I hate Chick-fil-A
Favorite flower: anything my Baby brings me
Movie/s you can watch over and over again: Boogie Nights, Empire Strikes Back, Shawshank Redemption thanks to TNT playing it nonstop over the years, Bridget Jones' Diary
Any Tattoos: At almost 40 years old, I can come clean about the Longhorn tattoo I have had for over fifteen years.
Any regrets in life: nope
How did you meet your husband: at a listener event, I was one of five girls eyeing him that night.
Scared of anything: flying
Do you eat organic foods: trying to switch over, but it's so expensive
Favorite chore: dusting
Least favorite chore: mopping
Most annoying habit: it's a toss between saying I need to lose five pounds or plucking my gray hairs while I'm talking to someone on the phone. They can always tell. It used to be plucking my eyebrows, then I found out about threading.
And my favorite band is: WILCO

Sunday, April 11, 2010

My Daybook~The Pollen Blues

For Today...April 11, 2010

Outside my window...it's dark and the temperature is perfect. I love this weather. We spent most of the day outside enjoying the weather.

I am listening to...the Old 97's, of course! Still so excited about the show. Plus, I have to listen to my favorite song that they failed to play over and over.

I am praying for...the pollen to get the heck out of here. I am so swollen and tired and just plain miserable. I think the baby is starting to feel the effects of it as well. He is fussy and not sleeping at all.

I am wearing...green shorts and a light pink top. I feel like Strawberry Shortcake.

I am thankful for...my husband. A blog reader posted something about how great he seems. And not to brag, but he is! I am sure I take him for granted more than I should, but thanks to this reader, I was reminded to tell him how much I appreciate him. People need to know they are appreciated.

From the kitchen...Lance and I are getting ready to plan the menu for the week. I hope we come up with something good!

On keeping home...same as usual. I don't really mind cleaning, but I would like it if the floors stayed spotless for more than five seconds!

Around the house...I want to buy some plants and paint the bathroom. I think my husband and I can paint something that small, right? Knowing us though, we'll be picking a color this week and hiring someone soon.

To be fit and happy...I love to workout. I do so five to six days a week. And I still haven't lost a pound. I gained five pounds over Thanksgiving and can't lose it. I think it might be the fact that I eat candy, cake or cookies five to six days a week. My challenge to myself is not to eat any sweets except Skinny cows for one week. Starting tomorrow. I already effed up today by having three pieces of cake.

One of my favorite things...going to concerts! I love live shows. So much so that I used to go to concerts by myself if I couldn't find anyone to join me. Life is so busy now that I barely know any bands, much less know concert schedules so I was happy this past weekend.

I am hoping...to relax a bit this week. It seems as if we're always on the go...we get up, take the boys to school, go to Mass, then the gym, then swim lessons or a play date, then, then, then. Hopefully, we won't do too much this week. I know I'm in control, so hopefully, I'll have control this week.

I am also hoping...that my boys find their way back to their own rooms. I am so tired of waking up with three little kids in my bed. No wonder I'm always tired.

A few plans for the week...

  • park
  • Super Saints
  • swim lessons
  • bluebonnet pictures with the twins
  • birthday party
  • prom dinner with Cindy and Terese

A picture thought I am sharing...

The boys on Goose's field trip at the zoo last week

I love this picture of the boys at Party on the Lot last Friday night. BH loves his big brother!

The Old 97's


Our prom pose

I realize the top pictures are essentially the same picture, but I couldn't decide which picture I liked the best. So you're stuck looking at two pictures of me and my Baby. I call Kobra the baby, but Lance is my first Baby. Always!

The Old 97's concert did not disappoint. I loved the venue, and the band was awesome. Period. We even sat with Denise and Wally, longtime fans of my hubby's show. Denise brags about her sons and grandson as much as I do, so we got along really well! I can only say that when we have another kid, Rhett is on the short list for names. I don't think we're having another kid, but just in case, we are covered with another boy name. My only complaint of the night was that they didn't play my favorite song.

Denise and Wally

For You, Chel!

Snakes Again

Today we went to a party at the Edith More Bird Sanctuary. It was a really beautiful place, but within three hours we had seen three snakes. One right next to the trail we were walking on. I had been thinking about that spot for our next Christmas picture. Not anymore.

Not sure what he is tocuhing in that bucket

My little Indians

Mr. Cool

While Lance and I were on a date Saturday night, Squirt had his first formal. A Military Ball! He has been waiting for a chance to wear a tuxedo for years. He wanted to wear it after we picked it up Friday night. He told me that I could take pictures if I wanted. As if he had a choice in the matter. Doesn't he look so handsome?!


My handsome boys!

Sushi?

I don't eat Sushi, but my husband does. I also don't like tempura, so there aren't a lot of options for me at a sushi restaurant. When Lance wants sushi, I usually suggest that he go with one of his friends for lunch, but last night he was taking me to see a band I have been dying to see so we went to have sushi. He was so excited about showing me this place.

How I wish I ate sushi because I would be at this place at least twice a week. It was so quaint and beautifully decorated. The owners were so nice and engaging. I liked it so much that I'm going back again this week. I ordered the fried soft shell crab. It was awesome, better than the soft shell crab at THE SUSHI place in Houston. From looking at our bank statements, I gather sushi isn't cheap, but this place is. So here is my plug for a really nice sushi place that has really great prices and nice people. Yukino at the corner of Fountainview and Richmond. Go there, you won't be disappointed!


Saturday, April 10, 2010

Tonight's The Night!!!

Lance and I are going to see the Old 97's!!! I can't explain how excited I am. I love this band, but have yet to see them perform live. I have attempted to see them three times. The first time, I was celebrating my birthday with two friends at La Strada and was supposed to meet Lance later to go out. I have no recollection of what happened that day except my friend Mark shouting at me to wake up. La Strada will do that to you. The next time I was set to go was on my birthday again. A week and a half after Goose was born. For some reason, Lance didn't think going to a concert that soon after his birth would be smart. Who thinks I sulked about that decision? The last time the Old 97's were in town, I was pregnant with Kobra and huge, but that wasn't going to stop me. So we went to the venue, and the show was sold out. I almost died. I was begging Lance to do something, anything to get me in the show. I have a thing about getting concert tickets ahead of time, as in I never get tickets in advance. Usually, it's a pain, but I manage to get into shows by either sneaking in or paying somebody to let me in.

Tonight there won't be any problems at all. My wonderful husband has already purchased our tickets. I feel like dirt due to allergies, but I don't care. I will be there tonight!

Partial Proof

Little did I know how true my last entry would be...After soccer and t-ball were cancelled, we went to Starbucks to grab a coffee. BH saw a dead bird and immediately picked it up. I ran for the camera, but Lance wouldn't let him pick it up again. Germs, I guess. I can guarantee this one is going to be the end of me.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Officially The Mother Of All Boys

I should know it by now, I have four boys. The oldest is fourteen, about to be fifteen soon. The fact that he climbs trees and talks nonstop about cars, I can handle. The fact that the middle two consider sticks treasures and both have stick collections in their closets hasn't phased me because I can handle that too. I can handle anything these boys throw at me. Then tonight it hit me, and I am finally getting worried about having all boys.

The boys brought a bug inside the house. I'm about the farthest thing from a girlie-girl. I love sports, I cuss, I'm not into clothes and makeup, but I wouldn't be considered a tomboy either. (This week at the Nature Discovery Center, I almost freaked out when the tour guide walked up behind me with a snake in her hands. As it was, I ran from the room.) Tonight Goose had a ladybug in his hands, crawling all over him. I know it's just a ladybug, but that can only mean lizards, worms and worse are coming soon. What happened to the boys that were scared of bugs?

Love

Yesterday, the Baby Hulk told Lance that he loved him "today". He made it clear that he didn't love him the day before though.

Goose tells me he loves me a "little lot, it would be a lot, but you yell at me."

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Relying on Honey?

My allergies this year have been horrible. My nose is runny, my eyes are swollen, and I'm just miserable. The pollen is everywhere. I've taken anything over the counter that I can find and nothing has helped me so far. Now I'm going natural and using raw honey. I've had three people swear by this. So far nothing has happened except that Lance has asked me if I think I'm allergic to raw honey. My face is more swollen than ever.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Birthday Girl

I am not the type of person that has tons of friends. I have several really close friends and two very different "best friends."

Marivi is the best friend that I would have sent notes to in school and sign BFF had we known each other in middle school. Had we know each other as young girls, we would have planned to marry best friends and live next door to each other so that our kids would grow up and be best friends or even one day get married. As it is, I didn't become friends with Marivi until college. I knew who she was in high school, but didn't know her until we had an Economics class together my Sophomore year. We've been friends ever since.

We have partied like rock stars together, done Spring Break together, gone through boyfriends and broken engagements together, found the perfect guy, gotten married and had kids. All Together.

I am so thankful for this friend who used to send letters years ago when it actually cost money to place a long distance call. If you don't stay in touch with Marivi, it is entirely your fault. Both her husband and I have benefited from her persistence in staying in touch.

Happy Birthday, my dear friend. I love our morning phone calls, our play dates with the kids and the ability to complain about things without being judged. Thank you for being my best friend and a great listener, especially these days! I hope this year is wonderful for you!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Devastation

Stunned

The game was on too late last night for the boys to watch. We recorded it and let them watch it late this afternoon. All I can say is: WOW. There were tears, threats of violence and Snoopys tossed around the room. And...I LOVE IT. I couldn't be happier that my boys are this emotional over a sporting event. (Of course, I hope this means they will be this emotional about football next fall.) The boys bonded over the Cinderella team, Butler, and have now bonded over the heartbreaking loss. They will probably forget about it by tomorrow, but not me. This moment will live forever in my heart.

Mom is only making things worse