Sinking

Three weeks in, and I'm finally tired. And cranky. The crankiness is made worse by people, meaning family members, asking what's wrong. My first impulse is to scream, "what the eff do you think is wrong?" Do I need to remind you know that I just had a kid, and that school started and I'm getting up for the day at 6, showering, pumping, feeding a baby who screams pretty much all the time, plus getting kids ready to school, plus coming home and teaching the Baby Hulk. Without any help at all. Side note: I hate when people assume that my 15 year old is a great help. Yes, he is a great kid, amazing kid, but helper he is not. At all.

So yes, I'm a bit cranky and sorry that the great mood I've been in since birth seems to be ending. I honestly can't wait to return to the gym. That hour of alone time working out will do wonders. I hate to sound ungrateful because I am thrilled with our new baby, but I so wish she would sleep in her crib. I have never wanted to co-sleep, and yet five kids down the line, here I am just so that I get some sleep. I don't know how people do it. Both Lance and I were commenting that while we are sleeping a bit, we have yet to really fall asleep because we worry about rolling onto her.

And I know this phase will soon come to an end, and I'll be lamenting the end of it, feeling sad that I won't have an infant in my arms, but for today, I'm tired, have no interest in pumping, listening to boys fight, No David fuss nonstop. I do feel slightly bad, I normally relish in motherhood, but for today I'm tired. And I think that is understandable. If not, there is always Xanax.