Home Sweet Home

Is there anything better than hugs and smiles from your children? I don't think so. We're home after my 40th birthday trip, adults only. The boys were so excited to see us. I know they had fun without us, but I think they were ready for mom and dad to come home. I know I was ready to hold them in my arms again. They are sleeping on pallets on the floor in our bedroom, Lance's idea! I am so excited about tomorrow and the rest of the week we have planned together.

Pink Blues

I think I have the baby blues regarding the explosion of pink that is about to become my home. The more people get excited, the more annoyed I am getting. I can't explain it. I am sure it has to do with me being defensive about having all boys. You have no idea how tired I get of people "feeling sorry for me for having four boys", asking "will you just die if you have another boy". It drives me insane. I love my boys and think they are almost perfect. Basically, I have become the person I was worried Lance would be if we had another boy. And I kind of feel bad, not much, but a little. I mean, how sweet was it today when I ran to the gym to tell the caretakers about the baby and they all asked if they could hug me and one had tears in her eyes. And then there is my doctor who everyone knows I adore, who also started crying.

The reality is that having more than the "normal" amount of children is special to begin with, but to have four children all the same gender is really special and different and I liked it. Come December, I won't be part of that club anymore. I am sure I'll be ready for the little girl that will join our family, but a part of me will feel bittersweet to leave this club I've been fortunate to be a part of for the last several years.

Change

I am not a fan of change. Lance just got a new phone for me and after checking it out, both he and Chelsea determined I wouldn't like it because it's too different from my old phone. And there is nothing like a kid to bring about more change. We have four kids and come this Christmas we'll add another to the mix!

Let's just get the rude questions out of the way that even some of my best friends have asked. Mainly, "how did you get Lance to agree to another baby?" What I want to say is either I stopped taking the pill or I cut a hole in the condom, except pretty much everyone knows we practice NFP so that couldn't be the case. So, yes everybody, Lance is on board with the baby. How are you going to afford five kids? Don't worry people we're not asking for your help. We've got it under control. And yes, there is enough love in our hearts and home for another baby. Will this change things, most definitely. Will I be taking a huge family vacation every year? Not unless 1560 gives us a huge raise or Lance gets the national recognition he deserves. Were you trying for a girl? No, we weren't. To be clear, Lance wants a girl, while I am leaning towards another boy. But mainly we just want a baby. And not to be the center of everyone's jokes about having so many kids because, really, five kids isn't that many and this is our life and family.

Tomorrow I will be exactly 18 weeks pregnant. Today we had an ultrasound, and it appears I'm in for an even bigger change than I anticipated. We're having a girl! God help me. One day she will read this and know I was leaning towards a boy, and she will never let me forget it. But that is fine. I'm sure this will be least of my problems with a girl. I'm excited thinking about a perfect Christmas this year with a baby girl in a smocked outfit. The kind of outfits that Lance has never let me buy before now. Lance, my love, I have saved you money on clothing until now, but all bets are off. I want smocked, Janie and Jack and boutique clothes for your little girl. You have been warned.

Room

I have been talking with a friend about having more kids, telling her about my most recent miscarriage and how that made me want another child even more. And she was totally against it. She thinks four is enough. I'm fine with people thinking four is a lot of kids. I know people with a lot more, (not all Catholic!) so four doesn't seem large to me. What was interesting to me was the "why" I shouldn't have more kids. It wasn't the usual "how are you going to support them" argument. It was how can you love that many kids?

It's an answer you can't explain, you just know you can. Maybe when you have your first kid, you don't think you can ever love another child more. But as you have more children, you realize just how much your heart grows. I only have four kids, but I have two others that I love and think about and worry about as if I had given birth to them. I think my kids would agree that they all feel loved. I don't think your heart stays the same size your entire life. If it did, how can you explain the love grandparents have for their grandkids. I NEVER thought someone could take my place and boy was I wrong!

So, yes, I think there is room in our hearts for another, if that is what God wants for us.

HOWEVER, Lance has had the kids alone for less than 24 hours, and he has already told me he may get a vasectomy before I get home.