Sunday, September 20, 2009

Living Nightmare

My husband just reminded me that I haven't posted in a week and then informed me that I should be posting at least three times a week. He sounds like his editor at the Chronicle.

When someone says that you are a "living nightmare", do you take that as a compliment? Yes, that comment was directed at me tonight. Have I forgiven my husband yet? I'm playing nice, I suppose. He says I am now being scary nice.

In Lance's defense, I have been a bit difficult to live with lately. I have been so upset about Goose being in school, I have become a different person. I've always yelled, but I will admit I am out of control these days. Even Squirt is giving his opinion about homeschooling versus regular school. I think he hopes I'll shut up if Goose comes home. (Plus, he always loved hearing about what we did in school last year.)

I have been so manic that I skipped daily Mass twice last week because I decided that I would gain nothing from it. Really? Who thinks like that? Who refuses the one place they know they can be healed? Disgusted with myself, I went to my former spiritual guide for help. She is such a wise person and listened to all my negativity about school. She was kind and gentle, but gave me good counsel that I hope to implement. The problem with me is that I have good intentions then something small happens and I lose it.

Today was a perfect example of my human nature. It was a great day, then all of a sudden I started to feel the day slipping by and I hadn't read with Goose yet. I started feeling frantic and then just freaked out. Squirt couldn't get out the door fast enough for CCE. The others were begging to go too.

I finally calmed down and read four chapters with Goose just like we used to do together every day: he reads two chapters, I read two chapters. I was happy, I calmed down and apologized and am fine. Until next time.

My goal for this week is to not give my husband a reason to say I am a nightmare! Although one hopes that he keeps it to himself if he feels that way again...

I promise to be positive about school and work with my children so that they get the most out of their educational environments. I owe it to my children and most of all, Lance to give this a try. I know that Lance wants the best for our children. I trust his judgement and hate that I am making him feel like I don't trust him or that I know best. He loves and cares for our children as much as I do. I have to stop acting like he doesn't. I will fail, but I am praying nonstop that my failures become smaller each day.


  1. Lance is very lucky to have such a caring wife who is trying to better herself. I'm so glad that I found out about your blog because it is very interesting to read about the woman behind the guy I listen to on the radio and it is always reassuring to know that we all go through difficult times.

    I know that he is a good man and you are obviously the type of woman who cares about her family. I hope you are willing to follow thru with your changes and your actions, but it is great that you are making the effort.

    I said it before, but losing a kid to school is a hard thing for men to grasp. It's an empty nest situation in some ways and it gets even tougher when they go to college, trust me!

    Best of luck and love reading your blog!

    Double Rods

  2. You should homeschool your child.

    I don't know how rough you have been on your family but calling someone a living nightmare is something that only a man would do. That wasn't very smart.

  3. So how did your day end up going after this post? Inquiring minds want to know! Was Monday a good day for the Zierleins? Lance sure was cranky early on in the show today.