Change of Plans

Today is the perfect example of how regimented and cheap I am. I have been working on flexibility for years. You would think with children flexibility is a must. You would think I would have learned this lesson at this point in my life. But here I am stewing because my plans for the day are not going to happen.

And as I am sitting here, I am thinking of things I won't be able to do tomorrow either. The first week of February is so rich with things to do for the kids. In the Church, we have the Feast of St. Brigid, Candlemass, and the Feast of St. Blase. Then there is Groundhog Day, Chinese New Year and the start of a new month. And I want to do it ALL.

And not in just a checklist kind of way.

I had plans for yesterday, today and tomorrow. Not to mention swim lessons that I've already paid for the month. Do you know how hard it was for me to cancel today? I admit, I can be cheap. But Lance reminded me exactly how cold it is today and that swimming isn't really a good idea. So out went our plans for taking our candles to the church to be blessed, swim lessons, the library and Chinese New Year at Goose's school. (Thankfully, my plans for the gym were intact, I don't think I could have handled today otherwise.)

Instead, we're baking cookies for Squirt who is in surgery right now, we'll light his special candle for the year tonight and Lance will bless our candles, we'll have soup and be together. I know in my heart that that will be better than anything I had planned. It only took me four hours to get over not having the day go exactly as I planned.

Missed Call

I'm the person who has always loved talking on the phone. You hear people say how they hate the phone all the time. Not me. I loved it. I could make any boyfriend stay on the phone with me for hours despite how much guys hate to talk. Even after kids, I could still talk all day. I wasn't the person who hung up just because their kid was crying. I could make lunch, change diapers, referee fights, yell and so on all while talking on the phone.

A few months ago, I decided I wanted to change that. I decided I wasn't going to talk on the phone or get online while the kids were around. I wanted to be fully present to them. Of course, there are exceptions, but for the most part, I have to say I have really followed this and I love it. I think my desire came partly from wanting to be a better mother, but also from the reactions I've had from people in the past when I haven't answered the phone. Because of course, if you don't answer one line, you know another call is coming on the other one. It's like people can't believe the audacity of you not taking their call. With four kids, what else could I be doing except waiting for a phone call? Ninety-nine percent of the time, I'll take Lance's call, but other than that, if I'm eating or with the kids, I usually don't answer the phone. My big exception is the worst time: when I'm driving. It's sad, I know, but that is when the kids listen to music and I don't have to really be present to them. Just the others drivers, right?

I had one friend tell me that we'd never talk again. I admit we don't talk as much, but my first priority is to the kids. The reality is that they deserve my ALL. Not a "just a minute" so I can talk on the phone or check something out online. I don't think I'm creating kids that need to be entertained all the time or that don't know how to be by themselves. I just want them to know they come first. Always.

I still love a good phone call, but overall, I'm happy with the changes I've made. I think the kids are too.

No David

There is a book called No David that I inherited over the summer from the person who was cleaning out her house by bringing over bags of junk she didn't want. The bags sat in my car until I could make it to the donation center and Goose saw the book. Turns out that he had already read the book and loved it. Now everyone in the house loves it. It's a fast read and something you don't mind reading over and over. The story is simple: a little boy is constantly doing something that his mother doesn't want him doing.

This is my life. I feel like all I do all day long is tell Snax NO. He is into everything. I had to make a new house rule about how to throw away your gum. Some people might think it's because I am an obsessive freak, but nope, it's because Snax goes into the garbage and chews it himself. The only break I get from him is when he is sleeping and even then, it's not much of a break because he is such a light sleeper. I can't believe that the fourth kid in this house is the light sleeper. I've never told anyone to be quiet because we're a loud house even when we're not mad. But for this kid, people can't even shut their doors normally. He is constantly hurting himself from falling off chairs. This kid climbs on chairs so that he can steal food from whoever might be eating at the time. And if you make him mad, he throws something. It's like everything he does is a big, fat NO.

I hate constantly telling him "NO". I try redirection, but this kid is stubborn. Cute, but very stubborn. He is much more curious than the other boys were at this age and there is no resting when he is around. He is the child that make me rethink the rules on television. He is the one that made me so very tired this week while trying to teach the other ones. He is a mischievous little boy and I love him so very much. I just wish I didn't have to stop him from doing so many things.

Making Mom Mad

What do you do when someone makes your kid cry? And that someone is a teacher? The Baby Hulk earned his nickname due to his explosive temper. He isn't as bad as he used to be, but he can still throw a fit in seconds flat, scream-cry at the top of his lungs for seemingly no reason and be an all round pain. But he is my pain and basically just like nobody can talk about my parents, nobody can talk bad about the Baby Hulk.

He has been taking swim lessons since mid-September and in my opinion is pretty decent. The swim teacher disagrees. He is on his ass like BH is training for the three year old Olympics. We had a bad week at the beginning of the summer, but seemed to really improve after that one week. This week he has been bending his knees way too much when he kicks, a new habit, and the teacher is trying to make him stop. Here is the problem: you tell BH to do something, you literally have to ask him three to four times before he responds. Do I like it? Not one bit. It usually results in raised voices, times outs and sometimes crying on his part. Clearly swim coach wasn't in the mood for that this week so Baby Hulk wasn't allowed to go on the slide and tower at the end of class on Thursday. Then he started wailing. There had already been some questionable moves at his Wednesday class so I was livid to see my baby crying.

I threw the other kids in the car so I could rescue the BH from his teacher, then proceeded to let him know how pissed I was. I didn't yell or anything, but I did stop him from starting his next class on time and lecture him on my child. He thinks the BH can do the work and isn't trying. I was ready to move him to another class or stop lessons for a bit, but BH doesn't want to change teachers. And this kid will tell you the truth. He has no problems telling us which babysitters he likes and doesn't like.

I talked to Lance who reminded me how long it takes for us to get BH to clean up or look for his toys. He wasn't mad about BH not getting to go down the slide. He doesn't want someone badgering our kid, but he doesn't mind a reasonable consequence. And quite frankly, BH cries quite a bit so how was this any different besides someone else making him cry.

I was so upset that I didn't realize what had made me so mad about the entire incident. It was the singling out in front of others. They used to do that shit to Squirt in elementary school during lunch. He has ADHD and wasn't able to control some of his behavior so he was always in trouble. Plus, he had a teacher I hated who always had him sitting at a table by himself. Once my mom went for grandparents day, and they had to sit alone to eat lunch. BUT that still didn't count for his lunch detention.

I hate the kind of shit that only serves to make a kid feel like a loser in front of other kids. Some parents don't care about that stuff and some kids aren't affected by it. I do. I have no problem (mostly) with anyone giving a reasonable consequence to my kids, but this I won't allow. My kids may drive me batty at times, and I am so very far from being the mother they deserve, BUT, I can promise that I will never allow someone to eff with them. EVER.

Embrace Him

I have a three year old who is the most loving, sweet, stubborn, caring, and emotionally volatile child I know. He can go from happy to freak out screaming fits if you tear a small piece off his sandwich or if a stick breaks. For the first three years of his life, he would cry for five minutes every time I left him at the gym. In fact, he still does this about once every ten days. And he not only cries, he screams/cries in a very high pitch. It is insane and drives me crazy.

To be clear, I hate criers. Yet I have always been surrounded by them from friends to guys I dated to my kids. I don't understand it, I want to shout, "HOLD IT TOGETHER!!!" Maybe I scoffed at some of the guys I dated, and sometimes I will tell Squirt to grow up, but I can't really do that with the Baby Hulk. Yesterday was a particularly hard day for him and his hysteria was in high gear. And I had a lot to do, some that could wait like blog reading and folding clothes and others that were more important like getting food for the rest of the family. But something told me as he was crying at my legs to stop and just hold him. It didn't make him stop crying, but he did hold on for dear life. I managed to get food for the rest of the family and we sat and hugged. Finally, he calmed down enough to sit and eat. All day long he kept wanting me to hold him and hug him.

Later, when I did have the chance to read a blog, I read the following: "Embrace him. He is empty and unsure of your permanence, for whatever reason, and the more you resist, the more unsure he gets. The more unsure he gets, the more he will cling. Embrace him every time he wants you to, for as long as he wants you to. Don't let go until he does. Eventually he will."

What amazing advice and one that is particularly hard for me to always follow. I am so glad I found that quote yesterday because I would have been very tempted to stop the hugs after an hour or so. I have to remember that regardless of what I want to do, my children's needs come first. There is nothing wrong with making my arms their safe haven. Even if it means I have loads of laundry to finish after they go to bed.

Are We Just Crappy Parents?

Tomorrow is TEXAS/OU. Although I waivered a bit earlier in the week, Lance and I will be at the game. The only reason I considered staying home was because I am still sick and don't seem to be getting better. I figured making a twenty-four hour trip to Dallas would only make me feel worse. The fact that Goose's school carnival is tomorrow during the game had NOTHING to do with it. And I am fine with that. Honestly, kind of proud of it. Goose will be watching the game while his classmates are at the carnival. He has watched every TX/OU game since birth as have the rest of the kids.

Last night one of Lance's friends said he wasn't watching the game because his kid had to attend a birthday party. Really? First, can't his wife take the kid to the party? And second...oh well. The kid is six, it's okay to miss a party at six. The guy also mentioned a soccer game. Do I need to even go into the importance of a soccer game at six? So while I just thought the guy was crazy for missing the game (on TV), Lance thought to himself that he (Lance) was a bad dad.

Then today, at the gym, a guy told me he was missing the game because it was his son's birthday party. A better present might have been taking his child to the game. Or how about scheduling the party on Sunday instead of Saturday. I just don't understand it.

So does this make me a bad parent? Are my priorities totally out of whack? I just don't think so. This is college football!!!

OU SUCKS